A Mystery and Mercy Summer
A summer filled with mysteries and mercies. This summer is rather a stunning and unique experience for me. First, I experienced the death of my dear sister before I went into the CPE program. Not only was the death a tragic event but also a big shock for family and I. It gave me a sense of hopelessness and experience how brittle life can be. Our life is so fragile that it can disappear in an instant. This is what happened to my sister; she left without any goodbyes while my family has to mourn. Now I can only remember her in my memory, the smile, joy and the encouragements that she offered me.
Furthermore, working at the Covenant’s Hospital as a chaplain also increased the tension. Not only did I witness my sister’s death and now I witnessed patients’ death can be terrifying. But as time progressed and with the support from the Lubbock community, I feel that life has meaning. We all have to experience it whether it is early in our lives or later. Unfortunately for me, it is my own sister’s death and having to worry for my sick parents. But through all of this, I feel that God has been looking over me even more and now even my dear sister is looking over me.
The dry breeze of Lubbock and the stillness of the house give me time to find God’s presence in my life. I center myself and empty my mind and begin to reflect on the love of families, brothers/ sisters and friends when I clear down my mind to feel what others have offered me.
Upon reflection, I felt blessed and continued to pray and ask God to bless each and everyone that touches my life. It took quite some time for me to reach harmony within myself. I feel that the more I empty myself, God flows through me despite my feelings that God is separated from me. I sometimes feel that I am not prepared or worthy for God’s love but the CPE program gives me a perspective.
The old, sick and the unfortunate, all are yearning for the presence of a chaplain. I asked myself this question: Why do these people want a chaplain? I guess at a certain points in our lives, the only comfort is God and these people hope that a chaplain can bring healing in their hearts. I find it rewarding to see myself helping people to find comfort and to reassure them that the next life is better than what they experiencing here. But in all, the only comfort one find is that personal relationship with God.
From sunrise to sunset and vice-versa, mercies and mysteries happen in front of us. Witnessing these miracles ask us of our relationship with God. For me, all the mercies and mysteries that I experienced with friends, brothers/sisters and families during this summer cannot be described but I can only thank God for his mercy on me. Through it all, I hope that God will bless and cultivate each one of us into the disciples of loving and caring in this world.
